If it's hard, do it hard.

"If you do what is easy, your life will be hard. If you do what is hard, your life will be easy"--Les Brown

For those of us who struggle


And you wonder, how did it get this way?

I never had it easy, but never did I imagine it could get this hard, just living.

Getting through the day without breaking down, crying, and/or self-medicating has happened maybe a handful of times over the past two years.

I do all the things: daily meditation practices of at least one hour. Daily exercise.

Then the other day a realization dawned: I had fallen into a fractal zone and I needed to jump back into a whole number world, preferably one with only integers but for now, one decimal point out is good enough.

I had gotten so used to suffering that I expected it to continue and got caught in the infinity zone. To get out of it, I had to first understand what was going on and then mentally WILL myself to leap to the next whole number. Just affirm the end. That's it, no more.

Betty White chose to die at 99 years of age on New Years Eve, weeks before her 100th birthday. What a cool gal. Is there any better way to exit? Giving people a natural celebration of your life rather than some contrived party you probably didn't want anyway?

Betty was married to the love of her life for 18 years. After he died she never remarried.

thank you betty

thank you

Happy New Year--I'm still weak but I'm getting exactly 1% stronger each day. I realized now I'm at about 70% strength, so only 30 days more and I'll be fit as a fiddle and ready to go.

Speaking of fit, I couldn't even make it to the pool without gasping for life and treading water to one of the docks. I need to learn how to swim, it's a basic life skill.

Moving forward, I refuse the temptation of despair and claim my birthright. I really am much more afraid of how powerful I am than of how weak I am. The intense, high frequency synchronicities and serendipities that occurred last year frightened me so much I ended up feeling attacked, shunned it all, and made things a lot harder on myself.

But as Uncle Les also says, "If it's hard, do it hard." I'm all in, no more boats in the harbor. Sink or swim.

I swam. It wasn't graceful, but I made it.

Raising a glass of dry-hopped Unseen Creatures saison to you, Betty, and may your indomitable spirit bless and infuse mine that I may learn what you have to teach. Resilience, strength, humor, service, restraint, and dignity.

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